They're Dead And How It Happened
by Plaited Oodleplexes
Summary: Had to write an epilogue for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead for Honors Brit/World Lit this past semester. I attempted to incorporate both Shakespeare and Stoppard; rating is for brief mention of adult themes and violence. R&R!


_Last line at the end of Stoppard:_ Guil: Now you see me, now you – _disappears._

_Players return to tableau of deaths. Faint spot on tableau. Ros and Guil lying down covered in their dark cloaks, not visible to audience._

Guil: _still not visible _- don't.

_Pause, about two beats. Faint snoring. Lights gradually up on entire stage. Player opens first one eye, then the other; lifts head and looks around before sitting up._

Player: _claps hands together briskly._ Rise and shine, my lovelies. _Jumps to feet, begins briskly shaking Alfred, Tragedians, etc. Ros and Guil also wake and sit on barrels; however, there is no lid to Guil's barrel, and he falls in and gets stuck. Ros attempts to free Guil. _

Player: _While badgering other players, to Ros and Guil_, A neat trick, that. But as impressive in the light of day? _Imitates Guil's manner dramatically (Guil does not take kindly to this, and struggles to get out of barrel), snatches dark cloak from other player._ Now you see me, _whirls cloak around self, drop main lights to very bright spots on Players and Ros/Guil,_ now you don't! _Lights back up._

Ros: _looking off over Guil's shoulder_ Port ho! _Darts to rail of ship._

Guil: _still struggling to free self from barrel_ Selfish wretch, thinking about drinking when his friend's been villainously entrapped. _Barrel and Guil fall over, Guil crawls out of barrel and advances on Ros, but freezes in the act of swinging at his head._ Aha! London!

_Great bustle on deck – sailors, players, Ros, Guil rush about, unload boat, teeter down gangplank to dock. Ros and Guil gawp at the big city as the players organize themselves. Someone bangs into Ros and a few coins fall from his purse, but nobody notices._

[Switching to narrative here, because I can't write suitably pointless/confusing dialogue.]

The Player invites Ros and Guil to drink in a nearby tavern. Guil is all for it, but Ros is hesitant, because he is certain they were sent to England for a purpose. When Ros cannot recall their mission after a moment, he shrugs and follows to the semi-reputable tavern.

A medium-length drinking scene, resulting in both Ros and Guil becoming quite drunk alongside the Player; Guil is marginally more sober. A gaudily-dressed woman enters and sits down at a nearby table. She, to the audience, is obviously a prostitute, but Ros and Guil think she is some high-born noble. Ros is drunk enough that he attempts to go over to the woman when he catches her eye, but Guil catches his arm and pulls him firmly back down.

Ros doesn't understand why Guil stopped him from talking to the woman. Guil gives a long, rambling, semi-coherent explanation about how she's indubitably married or engaged to someone else, and the lesser value of their skins compared to the wealth and privilege of her husband/fiancée.

Player puts in his two cents: the leading lady never goes to a minor character; only to the hero of the play. This perceived interference on the part of the Player puts Ros's back up, and he stands up again to talk to the woman. This time, both Guil and the Player grab Ros to hold him back. Angry, Ros takes a swing, misses Guil (at whom he was aiming) and hits the stereotypical bruiser to his left. A drunken brawl ensues. The Player quietly slips away as soon as the chaos begins. The fight is broken up when a badly beaten Ros and Guil are hauled off to jail by the city guard.

Sequence in jail – Ros is philosophical/que sera sera about the whole thing, and tries to convince Guil that it was inevitable. Guil is irritable. They argue over why they were supposed to be in England to begin with. Guil yells to guard that they are official ambassadors. Guard snorts and leaves.

Ros and Guil are lethargic from expending so much emotion/energy arguing. They flip coins again – run of tails to Guil – puts both on edge. The guard returns and unlocks the door.

Ros and Guil have been summoned to court. The English King is the presiding judge. Both Ros and Guil are flustered, but Ros more so than Guil.

The king reads the accusation – brawling in public, resisting arrest, disturbing the peace. Ros and Guil attempt to explain, talking over each other. The players wander into the audience of the trial. The Player is spotted by Guil, and called up to testify.

Player reminds Ros and Guil of letter. Both search franticly through clothing. Ros finds the letter, and hands triumphantly to the King – "This will tell you everything." There is some minor bickering between Ros and Guil over possibility of knowing everything as King reads letter silently.

The King calls for silence, and everyone shuts up. Ros and Guil are led off to a random chamber with a bench. They sit and wait there awhile, alone, happily chattering about random rewards, etc. They spin coins – alternate heads and tails randomly.

A woman enters, carrying two cups. She looks somewhat similar to the prostitute in the tavern, but it is obvious that she is a noblewoman. The Courtier flirts with Ros and Guil (but mostly Guil) and has Guil follow her out. Ros is mildly put out and pouts a bit about Guil running off after some woman after all they've been through together – philosophizes about friendship and love while nursing his cup.

There is a loud thunk, as of someone falling over. Ros looks up startled, worried, and goes to run off the stage, but falls over, poisoned, before he reaches the wings.

Lights down to single spot as Player emerges from upstage. Player gives very brief excerpt for Horatio's speech at end of _Hamlet_:

Player: …Let me speak to th' yet unknowing world

How these things came about. So you shall hear

Of carnal, bloody, and unnatural acts,

Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters,

Of deaths put on by cunning and forced cause,

And, in this upshot, purposes mistook

Fall'n on th' inventors heads.


End file.
